Independence Day: Resurgence Review

Using my Laughs, tears, cheese and cheers rating system, here is my mostly spoiler-free review for the unnecessary ‘Independence Day: Resurgence’, with links below if you want to find out more.

independence-day-2-poster

Quick Summary

This movie is so bad it actually travels back through time and taints the original classic by association, unfortunately. With a faint spark of originality towards the end, it’s not enough to save this cheese board of a good idea gone bad.

Laughs: 0/5

I’m never a big fan of the ‘comic relief’ character, plonked two-dimensionally into a film to fill the gaps with quippy quips and catchphrases or slap-stick cowardice. This film, however, attempts at least three of such characters, and, like the helicopter that carries the first lady in the original movie, none of the gags land well.

Tears: 0/5 (slight spoiler)

It’s not that they don’t attempt it. Apart from the fact that Will Smith is dead before it even begins (which is almost enough reason to cry when you meet the next generation of wooden character replacements), there is a high-profile character death thrown in here for no good reason. But thanks to the glut of new and old characters we need to get through before this happens, the impact is minimal (unlike the helicopter that carries the first lady in the original movie…).

Cheese: -5/-5

I never thought the original was a cheesy film, because it was a blockbuster disaster flick done well, and in that context cheese is usually a key ingredient. When like this, the film isn’t done well, the cheese is exceptionally whiffy (probably like the first lady from the original movie is by now).

Cheers: 2/5

Without giving anything away, the last act suddenly explodes to life with a new take on the familiar aliens that hints at bigger, better and braver shenanigans. By that point though, it is paradoxically too little, too late, and splutters to a deadly halt before it really gets going (like the helicopter from… you get the idea.)

Bonus Category: The Next Generation -1

A little like suicide squad (which I also didn’t like – check the leader board), ID:R spends too much time trying to introduce us to a cast of young hopefuls, ready to pick up the mantle of a blooming, reinvigorated franchise, and in doing so, forgets to make them interesting, believable (in any sense), funny or endearing. This delusional nod towards a new generation of stars is linked with a ‘to-be-continued’ style plot device that arrives from nowhere, and, most probably will never be seen again (like the first lady in the original movie).

Total: -4

(Check the Leader Board to see how it compares…)

Links:

Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Independence_Day:_Resurgence

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3748528/

Agree / Disagree with my assessment? Leave a comment to let me know or submit your own scores for this or any other film listed in the leader board below to be aggregated into the upcoming ‘readers choice’ table on the main rating page…

Suicide Squad Review

Using my Laughs, tears, cheese and cheers rating system, here is my spoiler-free review for the disappointing ‘Suicide Squad’, with links below if you want to find out more (though I’m not sure why you would…).

suicide-squad

Laughs: 0/5

There were moments that had me thinking, ‘was that meant to be a funny bit?’, which isn’t usually a good sign. Like so many things in this film, the comic relief is spread too thinly around an ensemble cast who don’t seem to know who is meant to be doing what. Will Smith is too busy trying to be bad-ass and carry the film, Margot Robbie is more iconic than comic, and the several dozen other characters are either too anonymous and/or boring.

It wouldn’t have been a problem if the film wasn’t trying to be funny, but it was, and hard. All this in a film that actually has a character called ‘Captain Boomerang’ who has no special powers, but does have special boomerangs: and they still can’t raise a titter.

Tears: 0/5

We have two characters with family orientated motivations, neither relatable or developed, and a love tryst between a soldier, an archaeologist, and the ancient alien spirit she is possessed by, which is even less convincing than Cara Delevigne’s acting (more on that and her wobbly arms later).

Most of this is due to bad narrative plotting and focus which makes any emotional pay-off null and void as you flit from one poorly drawn back-story to another in a mirthless plod towards a welcome conclusion (in that the film is finished and you can go back to your life).

Cheese: -2

Suicide Squad tries almost intolerably to be cool at every turn, and although it doesn’t succeed, mostly it stays on the right side of tepid without going full circle into cheese territory. Apart from the baffling Harley/Joker back-story which has elements that are almost lifted straight out of the Tim Burton Batman films, which would be fine, if this wasn’t meant to be a gritty anti-hero cool-as-a-cucumber reimagining.

Cheers: 0/5

It’s hardly surprising given the lack of identifiable characters and absorbable plot that the pay offs are few, and limp. The premise is so convoluted that you never really care who is fighting who, or why, or how – only that at some point it will all be over.

Bonus Category: Wobbly Arms -2

This film may have been saved by a convincing and charismatic baddy, but we certainly don’t get that in the form of Cara Delevigne, no matter how much she stands around wobbling her arms about like one of those inflatable waving arm men at the side of the road. This was not a good casting decision and needed someone with more experience to create presence in a crowded film.

Total: -4

(Check the Leader Board to see how it compares…)

Summary

A wasted opportunity. Tries to be all things  to all people and ends up being none. Less terrible than it is bland and pointless.

Links:

Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_Squad_(film)

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1386697/

Agree / Disagree with my assessment? Leave a comment to let me know or submit your own scores for this or any other film listed in the leader board below to be aggregated into the upcoming ‘readers choice’ table on the main rating page…