ADMIN CAT! IT Technician #2

This week’s ADMIN CAT! Where he yet again plays at IT…

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For more cartoons, click on ADMIN CAT! from the category menu on the right.

While you’re here, why not check out my new book?

AMAZON US: http://ow.ly/w713K

AMAZON UK: http://ow.ly/w70Vr

iBooks: http://ow.ly/w71di

Kobo: http://ow.ly/wbR1K

NOOK: http://ow.ly/wbPm0

Barnes & Noble US: http://ow.ly/wbPpR

 

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A day in the life of a Clegg…

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by Garry Abbott.

Woke up this morning, crushed a nail with my bare feet. It didn’t hurt honestly. I showed that nail who’s boss.

Went downstairs and decided not to have my usual bowl of corn flakes, not because the box was empty, that’s beside the point – I actually felt like eating dry toasted two week old bread, that’s the kind of man I am.

After a quick cold, but bracing, shower and shave (I cut myself a few times, on purpose you understand, helps me focus) – I took a lovely stroll down Downing street to meet my friends. There were some people at the gates, shouting empowering remarks like ‘Clegg’s a two-faced liar!’ – well the joke’s on them: everyone knows that two faces are better than one.

Spent the morning analysing opinion polls. Some people can be so negative can’t they?! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – everyone who is about to jump up high needs to bend their knees close to the ground at some point. The lower the better I say! It shows we are a serious party of government, a party who isn’t concerned with popularity, or consistency, or even honesty! That’s what people want from modern politicians, isn’t it?

Narrowly avoided a few eggs on the way to dinner. Idiots – they’ll be sorry when they get home and realise they haven’t got any eggs! Ordered a tuna salad for my lunch, got chicken soup – excellent! I didn’t even realise I wanted chicken soup until it arrived on my table, how nice of them to second guess me. Cold as well. Just the way I like it.

Saw George and David this afternoon. Said they wanted to run some policy ideas past me. Which they did, quite literally. They took turns waving a piece of paper in front of my face so fast I couldn’t see it, saying things like ‘what do you think Nick? Can we take it you’re onboard?’ at one point I managed to grab it from David as he was spiralling around me. He just grabbed it back and shouted ‘MINE!’. Then they both left and thanked me for my input. Those guys.

Can’t wait to win the next election. All set now. I get so many emails, it’s a near-certainty. I never read them though, that would be crude. Same as I never read the papers or watch the TV or listen to the radio, and rarely leave the house – or take calls from my party colleagues. I don’t want to dilute the message you see. It’s best to stay isolated and completely unaware of the outside world if I’m going to ride this wave of popularity to ultimate power. That’s what George and Dave say anyway.

Got home. Wanted to watch ‘Come Dine With Me’ but my wife didn’t let me. That’s fine. It’s only my favourite show, nothing to worry about. Spent the evening re-watching my sterling performance on the televised debates from 2010. I wiped the floor with them! It’s no wonder I’m now the most popular coalition deputy prime minister in almost thirty years – you can’t argue with them arrows.

Anyway – off to bed, well the sofa (it’s quite comfy actually) to dream of being Prime Minister. I hope. Sometimes I have this nightmare where people think I’ve betrayed their trust by breaking my promise on tuition fees and propping up a vicious Conservative government that I could stop at any time by withdrawing my support, and that I’ve dragged the future of my party and its ideals into a near-abyss with little or no hope of redemption – that I’ve literally contributed directly towards the dilution of democratic choice in this country that is leading to widespread apathy, mistrust and disenchantment with the whole political process. But that’s just a nightmare. I know it isn’t real. People love me.

– Nick.

Nick Clegg was to go on to become the first deputy Lord Emperor of the Universe where he strongly opposed the subjugation of all species, but really didn’t have the influence to do anything about it.

 

From the author:

My new book ‘The Dimension Scales and Other Stories’ is available now:

AMAZON UK: http://ow.ly/w70Vr

AMAZON US: http://ow.ly/w713K

iBooks: http://ow.ly/w71di

Kobo: http://ow.ly/w719A

NOOK: http://ow.ly/wbPm0

Barnes & Noble US: http://ow.ly/wbPpR

ADMIN CAT! Is being tailed…

This week ADMIN CAT! is locked in mortal combat with an old enemy… 05/05/2014.

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For more adventures, click on ADMIN CAT! from the category menu in the right hand side of the screen. Feel free to use this cartoon elsewhere, but please use the webpage link and not just the image itself. Also, while you’re here, why not take a look around at my other posts? Or check out my new book on Amazon: http://ow.ly/w70Vr.

Of pleasure and pain.

Last Thursday I reached a milestone in my life to-date: the release of my first book – ‘The Dimension Scales and Other Stories’.

Since completing this collection, finalising the editing process early this year and soon after getting picked up by the Trident Media Group literary agency to release the title on all the major eBook platforms (a welcome development!) – I have spent an anxious few months waiting for the formalising of the arrangements, the formatting of the text, getting the cover design sorted, quality assuring files etc…

And now, it is here! It finally landed. Around midday last Thursday I saw the pages start to appear on the internet. I did some quick-off-the-mark promotion, but held back knowing that from the weekend I could really go to town and start getting this thing moving. Then on Friday I had to go into hospital.

Luckily it was for nothing serious in the sense of life-threatening, but it has knocked me back and I am still recovering. (I won’t go into details).

It has been a challenging time; wanting to do so much but being unable. Trying to reconcile the notion of rest and recovery with the energy of long-held expectation and excitement. I tried to do some work here and there, but it was unfocussed, and uncomfortable, and wasn’t helping in the long term. So I resolved to defer a week to get better. Which more or less lands me here, now, still not totally better, but getting there, finally able to abide sitting at my computer, typing this, right now, with my fingers, using my eyes and brain and suchlike.

What has been fantastic and lovely and heart warming is the support I have already received from my friends and family (for both the book and my rubbish week!). It almost makes it all worth it, even if I were to only sell a handful of copies. But I don’t want to sell a handful of copies, I want to sell absolutely loads of them! Not because I’m greedy, I wouldn’t be trying to work full time as a writer and musician if I was greedy, but because I have spent a lot of time and thought on this project. I also have a little theory that a book needs an audience.

Not to say that you cannot or should not write for yourself if you wish, but it is how the stories I have put together are represented and interpreted by each and every reader, each of whom will have a slightly different experience of the text, guided as much as possible by what I conceived and wrote, but ultimately making it belong to them with their own unique imagination. That’s what I want to see, because that’s what I enjoy happening to me when I am absorbed by other’s art.

And hopefully, if enough people enjoy this experience, they may want to do it again with something new – and I am more than happy to provide this, in fact I intend to anyway! (Sneaky preview: My next book, a full length novel, has the working title ‘Snakes & Ladders’, but it’s not about the board game!)

This feels like a straightforward and simple transaction between myself and my readers. I hope you agree. And I hope that for the price of a pint of beer you may enter into this relationship with me, I would be very grateful, and I promise to do my best to keep providing you with things to stimulate your imagination and entertain.

Below are links to where the book is available for sale. These are all eBook versions. Many people have asked me about print copies but unfortunately this is not currently available. This is a cost issue more than anything. If you don’t have a pad or eBook reader, you can download free software from Amazon or apple to read digital books on your PC or MAC: it’s all there on the site and easy to do.

If you do buy and read my book I would be really grateful if you could also leave a review on the page you bought it from – that way I am more likely to attract passing readers. And also, tell your friends!

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy.

Garry

 

AMAZON UK: http://ow.ly/w70Vr

iBooks: http://ow.ly/w71di

Kobo: http://ow.ly/w719A

NOOK: http://ow.ly/wbPm0

Barnes & Noble US: http://ow.ly/wbPpR

AMAZON US: http://ow.ly/w713K

 

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